Saturday, June 5, 2010

First Post in 22 months

Its been a while since I blogged and that has to been a combined effect of a lyadh and my extreme tech retardness by virtue of which I forgot the password to my blog. And so as you ponder on this extreme retardness,I without any further ado will calmly go about my business of making a return to blogging. Now a question might arise, Why Now?. Well the last year or so has been a time of sweeping changes, some painstaking and some warmfuzzy, paradigm shifts so to speak. And all these have been lingering bewitchingly,full of colour and air, with lively movement in the foreground and a convincing backdrop, then like the half blue half grey smoke from a smouldering joint, it shifted and dispersed. And as I think about it all that life has been good,it truly has. As long as I could add a bit of colour to the grimy bits, and the rest would fall into place. And so there was I waltzing with life, festooned it, decorated it with streamers, titillated it…. “I wake to sleep,and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go.” I looked at the accumulated dust that has seeped into the bindings of my books and songs that I’ve rarely listened to and re-realise there can’t be an amicable farewell,ever. It gets screwed up, eventually, then from the edge of chaos it resettles. And then “for all redemptive motion and every rainy day when he gives himself away”. Even though there are those moments of intense boredom and frustration when it seems that it’s all a fanciful concoction of a care crazed brain. Created out of the same granules of wishful thinking that I never bring to the fore, and they only venture through the darkened crevices where dreams muddle through. Full of topographical errors and anachronisms. Sometimes it will sound like as if they are merely as random disjointed and inchoate mumblings of the eskimo who loved to watch movies. They don’t resemble my grandiloquent visions,they can’t be replicated, like the smell of vodka, achingly close to my nose and they gust of breath on my earlobe. And I’m blissfully happy, I’ve learned life skills and I’m certain that something unprecedentedly beautiful has been taking place. And as I go about finding my way through this inky undergrowth, I realised I’m scared shitless because this is so complicated and I’m tarnishing it with a flashy phrase or wannabe psychedelic imagery. Its like waking up on the floor, with your slippers under your head. But this time you decide to lie back, the groud feels cool, the ceiling looks like the “korikath” of “Anath Babur Bhoy”,strangely alluring. I feel like a neon sign,shiny lights,grateful kisses and blood drawn from the fingertips. I’m now YOUR imagination,running down like Santosh Dutta crying aloud “Chutti, Chutti, Chutti” and this is when I feel alive and HAPPY. Thank You.

1 comment:

Rhea Silvia said...

arindam, paragraphs

layout is pretty.