First Post in 22 months

Its been a while since I blogged and that has to been a combined effect of a lyadh and my extreme tech retardness by virtue of which I forgot the password to my blog. And so as you ponder on this extreme retardness,I without any further ado will calmly go about my business of making a return to blogging. Now a question might arise, Why Now?. Well the last year or so has been a time of sweeping changes, some painstaking and some warmfuzzy, paradigm shifts so to speak. And all these have been lingering bewitchingly,full of colour and air, with lively movement in the foreground and a convincing backdrop, then like the half blue half grey smoke from a smouldering joint, it shifted and dispersed. And as I think about it all that life has been good,it truly has. As long as I could add a bit of colour to the grimy bits, and the rest would fall into place. And so there was I waltzing with life, festooned it, decorated it with streamers, titillated it…. “I wake to sleep,and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go.” I looked at the accumulated dust that has seeped into the bindings of my books and songs that I’ve rarely listened to and re-realise there can’t be an amicable farewell,ever. It gets screwed up, eventually, then from the edge of chaos it resettles. And then “for all redemptive motion and every rainy day when he gives himself away”. Even though there are those moments of intense boredom and frustration when it seems that it’s all a fanciful concoction of a care crazed brain. Created out of the same granules of wishful thinking that I never bring to the fore, and they only venture through the darkened crevices where dreams muddle through. Full of topographical errors and anachronisms. Sometimes it will sound like as if they are merely as random disjointed and inchoate mumblings of the eskimo who loved to watch movies. They don’t resemble my grandiloquent visions,they can’t be replicated, like the smell of vodka, achingly close to my nose and they gust of breath on my earlobe. And I’m blissfully happy, I’ve learned life skills and I’m certain that something unprecedentedly beautiful has been taking place. And as I go about finding my way through this inky undergrowth, I realised I’m scared shitless because this is so complicated and I’m tarnishing it with a flashy phrase or wannabe psychedelic imagery. Its like waking up on the floor, with your slippers under your head. But this time you decide to lie back, the groud feels cool, the ceiling looks like the “korikath” of “Anath Babur Bhoy”,strangely alluring. I feel like a neon sign,shiny lights,grateful kisses and blood drawn from the fingertips. I’m now YOUR imagination,running down like Santosh Dutta crying aloud “Chutti, Chutti, Chutti” and this is when I feel alive and HAPPY. Thank You.

Forgot to give it a title

And yet how ephemeral the pictures are,
Peopled with myriads whom my mind portrays
Searching through ruined citadels,
Departed souls with familiar gaze.
Your thoughts like old nightmares frighten me,
You roar like the sea; inside my cursed heart.
Time has hid all the locks
And thrown away the keys for mirth.
Floating round like the wind impalpable,
Dark and enticing is your distraction.
And you like Chaos shall open the latch,
Of the time-worn casket.
I will no longer be numb,
In your all-encompassing satisfaction.

LOVE/HATE

Love…. Have I ever been in love, you might say that . Horrible isn’t it in what way? It makes you so vulnerable it opens your chest and opens your heart & it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all this defenses and build up this armour for years so that no one can hurt you, then one stupid person no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They don’t ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you or smile at you then your life isn’t yours anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out & leaves you crying in the darkness. So sometimes a simple phrase like “maybe we should just be friends” or “how very perceptive” turns into a glass splinter working its way inside your heart . How picturesque! . It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind . It’s a soul-hurt , a body-hurt a real- gets-inside you-and-rips-you-apart-pain. Nothing should be able to do that . Especially love. I hate love.

Long gone

Supper was over
And he was in the bedroom
As we lay shoeless atop the covers
I lay beside him in the crook
Between his strong arm and chest
And it was bliss
How his eyes told stories
Stories of a man’s avarice
His zealousness; his unbounded vitality
And staggering arrogance
And how he told those stories
In his unbounded captivating style
Still emotionally amongst the rawest of raw
Who at nineteen already
Had to shave his black stubble twice a day
In order to not to look like a hardened criminal
And I remembered the stories
Of the carnivore descendants of the giant apes
Who once inhabited the ancient forests
And then left the trees
Where all day long
They nibbled on leaves
They now came down to work
In faraway streets
And he said to me
“Come with me
We have long dark miles to tread
Before dawn comes along.”

FUCKING DARK- JOKER'S SONG

Ever found yourself
In the dank cavern
Of the endless fuck-ups that make up life.
An ordeal and a purgatory
With its smudged frieze
Like the soiled lipstick of a hooker.
Of mold & mildew running along
The cracked whitewashed walls
Stains in every hue
Of the excremental rainbow
And seepage blotches
Leaking from corpses.
The ghoulish realm
Which derived no light at all
From the slits of the grime clouded glass
Like the eyes that stare out from
Beheaded bodies bubbling blood.
Where vaporous creatures
Spiraled malevolently up from
The earth’s innards.
It’s a place bereft
Of not just a sunny window
Generating images of Hades
Cerberus & Styx.
One low wattage bulb hangs
Over the open grave
Into which I Puke
And another one in the vicinity
Of the Tung stones
Ablaze & bulkily aligned toegether
Like the three personed Pluto of the underworld
Upsetting as the inevitability of dying repeatedly
Which torments me in bed every night.

Extinction

I am immobile with my wings folded
I do not wished to be touched
Outside the world of wisdom, reason and feelings
Can you place your hand on the axial moment
When suddenly all hell broke loose
What do your eyes tell me?
There is no communication between the eyes
Only dusky waiting, without end.
Waiting inevitably for extinction, unemancipiated
You too will be obliterated
Before you can use the alibis of flagrancy
And what shall you say then?
What shall you think?
Are you going forward or back,
Or stuck in an unending Moebius strip
The dusky lidless eyes remain unresponsive.

JUDE ADMISSION CHRONICLES

This account is fictional except for the parts that aren’t.
We had barely begun our vigil when the monstrous creature laid its eyes on us; with its slavering jaws and great blazing eyes, it moved like an animatronic raptor with its claw raised, poised for attack
It’s a wondrous tale that is about to unfold of heroism, in the face of danger, and of the gallantry of a handful of young people against a awe-inspiring foe. And like all its kindred , it begins in the most unassuming of places -the parking lot. Let us proceed to a brief history of the parking lot. it’s a dilapidated structure and several times planned to be blown up because its roof flying would have been a sight to see. And once you’ve got a couple of thousand people crammed inside there baying for each others blood, you could quite convincingly write an insiders account of what its being like inside a proverbial sardine in a can.
We on whom the holy responsibility of maintaining the sanctity of the conclave lay were prepared for extreme circumstances but then again things never turn out the way you think will be. Yes people it was the most fearsome of beasts a disgruntled and overprotective parent code name P.A.P.A. One young maiden Reeti by name was the first to realise that we were in mortal peril. In no uncertain voice she informed us of the peril, by shrieking in a most unmelodious manner . Awakening to the danger, all other representatives of the fairer sex in the parking lot including squadron leader Rimii BC began to vocally express their displeasure.
Perceiving that it’s prey has been posing a “threat” to its “young” ones gased its jaws and dived headlong towards the next possible victim saying “Tumi amar cheleke flat kore debe!”. Aided by the chivalrous comrades I managed to avert disaster . No laughing matter I must hasten to add when the attack meant for me was diverted towards another innocent victim. Goaded to near madness by the loss of its prey, the beast poised itself for another attack when our gallant field marshall Tintinda stood up on his precarious seat and uttered a ferocious battle cry. That somehow managed to curb its advance, the monster decided to return to greener pastures, and inflicted its loathsome presence on us again. A chimaera code name “really anxious momma” adding a couple of manticores code name “other murderous relatives” and a couple of dragons code name “nei kaaj to di bawaal people” thrown in as a bonus wreaked unbelievable havoc. They ferociously pursued us from one end of the parking lot to another, as a result of which pure unadulterated chaos and confusion ensued. Finally a gallant knight named Lav code name “The sun is my friend” stepped forward wielding his trusty blue bottle and started battling with the creature. Perceiving that it had met a worthy foe, the creature hesitated no longer, but gave out a blood lusty roar and plunged into battle. After a long and drawn out match, in an unworthy move the beast managed to bamboozle the knight by making some sounds like an out of order violin. We all were galled to see this young knight emit several screams, abandon his weapon and run for safety. Spurred to action by this effort of bravery more of us readied ourselves for a final assault. Soon friend and foe all were screaming and tumbling in a frightful tangle. But this surge was not to last too long the steadfast knights forced these creatures to show a clean pair of heels. As a result of which along with the worthy questers a huge number of unworthy souls forced their way inside the holy shrine of JUDE. So for the next two hours we used our energies for damage control. We had to sift the worthy from the unworthy which was not too hard compared to the earlier struggles. Infact it provided us with a lot of mirth and amusement. However the final verdict was to be laid out the great guardians of the holy shrine of JUDE. So finally our labours bore fruit, parthenocarpic mind you. Peace was restored and everyone was coaxed back to normalcy and it was ascertained that those seemingly dead were actually not but in a swoon.
Wait a minute this ending seems too bollywoodish actually we got fed up of this “peaceful” atmosphere in exactly 3and½ nanosecconds and we were back doing what we do best let chaos reign supreme, living life our way the JUDE way. Rock on.